Explaining the Vampire Loving Women in Men's Health

So this month in Men's Health in the "Ask Men's Health" section, Dough from Baton Rouge LA asks the question:

Twilight, True Blood, Dracula -- what is it with women and vampires?

So Carolyn Kylstra, the "Ask the Girl Next Door" girl says this:

It's not all vampires, so slicking your hair back and donning a cape isn't a Halloween hookup ticket. It's the deeply tortured vampires - the ones oozing sexual energy because they've repressed their blood-lust instincts. (Like the "vegetarian" Edward Cullen.) They're reflective, passionate, and eternally faithful. Plus, they're played by guys like David Boreanaz and Stephen Moyer. Yum

Being a member of the Naked David Boreanaz Club I say amen to the yum part! Not quite sure I agree with her though... partly because of the Cullen comment (who the F*** thinks repeating high school is a good idea?) and partly because I don't think the whole obsession fascination stems from the instinct repressions.

Here's my theory (and it's not solidified yet - it's mainly thought vomit): first of all, sexy males are sexy males - a hunky tall, dark and handsome, human looking male is already starting off on a good foot. Then you add on the whole bad boy complex that so many women faint over - Mr. Bad isn't Bad, he is trust trouble, and YOU can help him in his darkest moments (blah blah blah). And here I agree with Kylstra - they are portrayed as passionate, reflective, faithful, hunks of love. They have put a wall up - and nothing has penetrated it - until you. Yes, you, a common female have shown the way of love to this dark, powerful, usually rich and intelligent creature, and he is eternally grateful, and will show you how grateful he is (and will continually give you thanks with passion and pleasure). Add a little blood and biting and eternal life and you add a bit of carnal pleasure, mystery and eliminate the fear of death. In real life these scenarios would never work - that's what makes them fantasy.

How can you not enjoy a hot vampire?

Dear Thief,

To the second person who broke into my car within a week,,

How are you today? I assume that you are now the proud owner of an emergency car kit and a stack of random vampire books from various positions in their series. Yes, I had not repaired the little broken window in the backseat, but was it really worth going through my car again?Perhaps you were not the one who broke into my poor car the first time, perhaps you just saw the opportunity and said "what the heck? What do I have to lose?"

I suppose you did not find anything in my glove compartment or my center consol; with a broken window I figured I shouldn't keep any of my valuable in there. Maybe if you were smart enough (or conniving enough) you could possibly try and steal my identity with the assortment of paperwork jammed into the small space. But no, you decided to steal my bag of books... you might be able to get a few bucks for each of them, considering they are all the newer books in their series, but the resale of popular fiction isn't too high.

You did take advantage of the opportunity to go through my trunk though. I will miss that car kit. I am sure someday in the near future I will need my jumper cables, or the little miracle called "liquid wrench" and I will be out of luck. I hope you have fun playing with that flare though. I have one question that confuses me: why didn't you close my trunk all the way? It looked closed, but as I drove down the street I looked in my rearview mirror to see nothing but the white hood of my car. Why not close it all the way?

What is a bit funny to me, however, is that you missed the actual "big ticket items." Those 3 science books in my trunk are probably worth more than the stereo that was stolen in the first place. You are probably uneducated and do not realize how much text book companies are gouging poor students, but if you were to steal something and had opportunity to resale on the internet, those books would have been a better steal than the half dozen vampire books. Also, you missed something very valuable, to which I am quite thankful; my ATM card that had fallen out of my pocket some time last week. The little piece of plastic money was halfway underneath my seat, accompanying the various pens and items that had been thrown out of the center divider. Glad you didn't find that one!

So, second person who broke into my car within a week, perhaps you are the tweaker lady who lives behind me, or you are no druggie at all, perhaps you are a someone who was just too curious for their own good; I hope you enjoy what was left of my car kit (a ratty case, jumper cables, liquid wrench, and a flare). I also hope you enjoy books 4 and 6 of the Kim Harrison's Rachel Morgan series, book 3 of Stephanie Myer's Twilight Saga, book 3 of Jennifer Rardin's Jaz Parks books, and book 3 of Jennifer Armintrout's Blood Ties Series. These books were pretty good when read in order, I bet they will be awesome by themselves.

Happy reading and don't burn yourself on that flare!